A step back and a LEAP forward!

Yesterday Matthew had a VERY bad day at school. He has not wanted to go with the ESOL teacher, Amy, and she really hasn't pushed the issue. Yesterday, when she went to try and bring him to her class he was defiant, folded his arms around his chest and told her "NO" then ran away from her. Well Amy did not want to force Matthew and insist that he come. When I found out, about an hour later, I went and got Matthew and brought him to Amy's class. He told me no also and refused to sit in the seat given to him. I picked him up and plopped him down---he refused to look at Amy or the other children in the class.
During the class Matthew would not participate and began to kick the table, when corrected he continued and Amy had to remove his chair from the group. When she did that Matthew proceeded to rake his fingernails against the chair to make noise. He continued to be a disruption.
You would have thought that when it was time to go he would have jumped at the chance. Oh no, he didn't want to do ANYTHING that Amy wanted him to and he refused to move out of her class. I was called in. I was able to get Matthew to go as far as the hallway of his classroom when he just threw himself onto the floor. Poor Amy was so distraught having to be a part of this scene. She offered to help, to get help, ANYTHING to make things better.
But, I knew that the situation had to play out as Matthew was replaying his behaviors of China. So I sent Amy away and promptly took Matthew into the teachers lounge and had a mom to son moment--which resulted in him screaming at me. With him screaming I walked him, not very easily, to his classroom to pick up his backpack and his coat and off to my office we went.
When we got to my office I got a chair, faced in to my cabinet and sat Matthew in it. He not only continued to scream but began to scream louder and louder. Oh and he threw in some tears out of frustration. I would periodically look at him and he would gesture he wanted to get out of the chair but I told him no, he would then scream louder! One of our assistant principals even poked her head out of her office to find out what was going on. When she found out it was Matthew she just went back into her office.
After about 35 minutes of screaming and just shortly after Grace arrived Matthew stopped crying and got up to play with Grace. Oh, he was not happy when I sat him back down and pantomined his behavior and told him how inappropriate it was. He began to cry--AGAIN.
I finally allowed him to get out of the chair when he stopped crying and have his snack but would not allow him to leave my office to play with the other children. I also called Dave to contact someone who could speak to Matthew in mandarin. Dave called our friend Amy, who use to be the principal of our Chinese school. She readily agreed to speak with him later that evening.
Dave and I both agreed that it was time to follow through with some consequence for Matthew because of his defiant and disrespectful behavior to his teacher. When we got home, I walked Matthew up to his room, again pantomined his behavior from school (which he laughed at when I got to the screaming part) and then I told him that he had to stay in his room. He told me no---AGAIN, but I was insistant. I allowed him to look at books and play with his Leap Frog book. Matthew tried several times to get out of his room but I reinforced the reasons why he was there.
After dinner we phoned Amy and we asked her to be very firm with Matthew. We knew this wouldn't be a problem for her as she put the fear of God into Analiese when she first came home. Amy was very insightful about Analiese and told us that we would have to be firm with her as she was very strong-willed and misbehaved. Amy helped tremendously when Analiese would throw her tantrums trying to get her way. To this day she straightens up immediately if she sees Amy!
We wanted Amy to tell Matthew that his behavior at school was unacceptable. That he must listen to his teachers, that it was not an option to say NO to an adult and that he should never, ever purposely misbehave to try and make the teacher mad! We also had her explain that if he did misbehave at school he would face a consequence at home, just like he had that day--in his room and only allowed out to eat. Matthew listened to Amy intently and responded appropriately. He told her that he understood and that he would do as he was asked. Amy also told us that she presented herself as an "aunt" and that she offered to spend time with him if he behaved.
We were satisfied with how Matthew seemed to respond and hoped for a better day! And a better day we got. My son woke up this morning and after hearing me tell him good morning, went downstairs to the kitchen and, unprompted, told his Daddy good morning! He was in good spirits, as he generally is before school and seemed ready for the day. He had a good morning and went with his reading teacher and participated in the groups activities, he was as competitive as ever in PE but the true test came when it was time for Amy to take him to ESOL.
Lo and behold, that boy immediately took Amy's hand and walked with the group to her classroom. I peeked in a few times and then was summoned to hear Matthew read his first sentence, "Z is for zig zag"!! He also repeated some sounds and wrote his sentence on the paper! I was so proud of him and felt so glad when he waved to me as I left his class.
We are seeing SO much progress with Matthew and are so darn proud of him! He has learned to ask for things with a "please" and then say "thank you". He says good morning and night-night when it is time for bed. He is anxious to do homework and loves to have our approval.
Tonight on the way home from dance class he laughed and giggled with the girls when we had a "stinky gas" episode from one of the kids! He held his nose and as each child named another child and said, "Analiese go potty", he said, "Mommy go potty" and just giggled away! It was so sweet to hear his laughter.
In my office I have photos of the kids which today Matthew picked up each one and named who was in it. The only photo I have of him is hanging on the wall outside of my office. So after he named everyone, I asked, Where is Matthew and he immediately ran to the poster and pointed to his photo! He then pointed to a photo of me and Dave and said, Mommy and Daddy!
Finally, tonight when I put him to bed we played our game of me kissing him and trying to keep him from wiping the kisses off. The difference was, Matthew called me back, and with lips puckered he wanted another kiss. He then he told me, "Wo ai ni" (I love you)!!!! I think our boy knows he belongs!